The Perfect Date?
RantAnd then, one hour later I was at the club, trying to dance away the memory of the entire event.
And why would I do that? He's a nice guy, probably the nicest guy one could ever know.
Let me tell you why, I'll list the reasons why.
1) I work with him. Tomorrow.
2) I don't like Meditteranean food.
3) I don't like guys forking out a busload of cash for me to not eat.
4) When I go on a date, I don't want to sit on my couch watching a movie. That's not a date.
5) I just left a guy who also gives a killer massage.
6) He smoked a cigar and left the end in my ashtray. Ew.
7) I don't like hugging people. Never have. Don't like giving 'em, don't like getting 'em.
8) I don't like him enough for him to be putting his lips anywhere on my body. Even my forehead.
9) He's very-much obese, and I'm very-much short. If I fell in love and had a kid with him, it would get his fat gene and my short gene and I think that's cruel.
10) I'm shallow and don't like dating fat people. Or even looking at them. No offense.
11) He's too nice and I'm too bitchy-I'll chew him up and spit him out and dance on his remains.
12) I DO NOT LIKE HIM!
13) I don't want to even get involved with any guy at all right now. At all. Not until I leave this dumpy town.
And there you have it! Thirteen reasons why "The Perfect Date" was not my idea of perfect. I suppose, in his defense, he's never been on a date before and was probably getting tips from his mom. Shit. I'm going to end up breaking his dear little virgin-heart before it can even fall for me-'cause there's no way I'm believing he's (in any way, shape or form) in love with me.
Fuck. Tomorrow is gonna be awkward. Five awkward hours at work is the last thing I want.
I probably should have gotten drunk tonight-it's hard to dance away a memory.
Devious Comments
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DAve
id pick u up in my 2003 mustang cobra, aka the terminator. make you open your own godamn door. blast the most mundane music for about 10 mins until u shut it off and actually want to talk. take you out to a open field where a plane awaits us, with two parachutes inside of it.
fly to about 30thousand feet and jump out. as we are falling, ill flash you, to permanently ingrain my penis into your mind.
we'll land on a spot i picked out and dressed up with an old spider man blanket, your favorite food and drink and well sit there and exchange words about art and how fucked up the world is. by that time, youll probably be wanting to touch me and ill let you...
then we'll drive off into the darkness and break down...where we'd have to either walk 100 miles through dense forests in the night, or, stay and keep each other warm while listening to tunes on my ipod touch, second generation, which seems to have infinite battery life with the screen turned off and wifi disabled. more than enough playback to last the night.
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Deviantart, the number one place to show each other our penises, vagina's, breasts and buttocks without the ramifications of porn.
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Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth. -Alan Watts
--
Deviantart, the number one place to show each other our penises, vagina's, breasts and buttocks without the ramifications of porn.
--
Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth. -Alan Watts
--
Deviantart, the number one place to show each other our penises, vagina's, breasts and buttocks without the ramifications of porn.
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